We're big fans of Breaking Bad and we couldn't help but think about a bird starring version (seriously you should hear the random bird-related ideas we have around the office). Without further ado, we present Breaking Bird:
Walter White — American Crow
Walter White, the show's protagonist is an American Crow. This former high school chemistry teacher started cooking meth when he received a cancer diagnosis. The unlikely drug pin is an antihero in every sense of the word. Just like crows, Walter is able to adapt and rebuild to his ever-changing environment. Both crows and our main character have a short-temper but they will do anything for their flock. Yes crows can be bad news for other bird species, but they are brilliant and you can't help but root for them.
Jesse Pinkman — Canada Goose
Jesse Pinkman, Walter White's partner in the meth business and a meth-user is a Canada Goose. Misunderstood and routinely called a Canadian Goose, this bird is hardly deserving of the loathe directed at it. Jesse has good heart and is mostly guilty of bad decision making, another shared quality with this goose. Canada Geese often choose poor locations for their habitat, like golf courses and soccer fields. The goose has its honk and Jesse has his b#### catchphrase.
Skylar White — Barn Owl
Skylar White, Walter White's wife and reluctant co-conspirator is a Barn Owl. She likes order and family dinners but isn't beyond getting tough when push comes to shove. Owls are known for their attentiveness, they can notice small rodents in large open meadows, and so is Skylar. She is good with numbers, first laundering money for her boss/lover and then Walter's meth money through the family's car wash.
Walter "Flynn" White, Jr. — California Towhee
Walter "Flynn" White, Jr. is Walter and Skylar's oldest child is a California Towhee. This teen loves mornings just like the towhee because that means breakfast -- bugs for the towhee and pancakes for Flynn. One of the only innocent characters on the show, Flynn is sweet and sensitive to his family and friends. The towhee is a beloved and welcome resident in many backyards.
Hank Schrader — Red-tailed Hawk
DEA agent Hank Schrader, Walter and Skylar's brother-in-law is a Red-tailed Hawk. Tough, aggressive, and just a little cheesy the Red-tailed Hawk and Hank are both attentive hunters. When not flying in high swoops and flourishes, this hawk will perch atop, well, almost anything. During Hank's free time he chills by relaxing with one of his home brews. Red-tails will hunt in pairs, just like Agent Schrader works his cases with partner Agent Gomez.
Marie Schrader — Northern Mockingbird
Marie Schrader, Skylar's sister and Hank's wife, is a Northern Mockingbird. Both are a little high-strung and restless. The mockingbird flits about from tree to tree and Marie has been known to try on another life by pretending to be someone else to look at real estate. While Mari has a history of kleptomania, the Northern Mockingbird steals the songs of other birds.
Saul Goodman — Acorn Woodpecker
Saul Goodman, lawyer to both Jesse and Walter, is an Acorn Woodpecker. While this woodpecker is called the clown bird, Saul is often the source of Breaking Bad's comedic relief. Both Saul and the Acorn Woodpecker have many acorns, err tricks up their sleeves. The Acorn Woodpecker works with a group to store hundreds of acorns in different nooks and crannies in trees. Another woodpecker is always on alert to protect the acorns, just like Saul always has his bodyguards. Both are loud and make their presence known, the woodpecker with its call and noisy flight and Saul with his billboards and over-the-top TV commercials.
Mike Ehrmantraut — Turkey Vulture
Mike Ehrmantraut is a business associate of Walter's and a Turkey Vulture. Both the bird and Mike are cleaner; Turkey Vultures preventing disease by eating the dead and Mike by fixing whatever mistakes have been made in the meth trade. Both stoic creatures, the soaring of a Turkey Vulture demands respect as does Mike's kindness towards his granddaughter and Jesse.
Gustavo Fring — Loggerhead Shrike
Gustavo Fring, top meth drug kingpin and rival to Walter White is a Loggerhead Shrike. Both are supremely polished and coiffed and don't look like the deadly creatures they actually are. Shrikes use the hook on their beak to kill insects, rodents and reptiles and often using barbed-wire or thorns to impale the prey on first. Gustavo is equally as merciless when it comes to his meth empire and cartel affiliations.
(Photos, in order, from Tom Talbott, Duncan Brown, Matt, Linda Tanner, Dawn Casey, D. Fletcher, Linda Turner, Justin, Kenneth Cole Schneider)
By Daniela Ogden
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